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.. Scénář - 30. epizoda - Hodný člověk (One Good Man a.k.a. Thank You Kindly, Mr. Capra) ..

[Fraser's apartment building]

Fraser: I'd like to congratulate all of you. You've done a wonderful job.

Mustafi: I told you. A little dusting, a little painting, the whole building good as new.

Fraser: Right you are.

Ray: It's dirty.

Fraser: Yes, I know, Ray, but I'm trying to encourage them.

Klein: Tasteful, huh?

Fraser: Yes it is, Mr. Klein. I'm sure that Mr. Taylor will appreciate it.

Ray: Appreciate what, rat-infested wall covering?

Fraser: Ray!

Ray: The basement is flooded, the roof is leaking, and the floorboards are rotted out. Who's the rocket scientist who convinced them to redecorate?. . Of course.

Fraser: Well I convinced them, Ray, that we would show the new landlord that he made a very wise investment not just in the building but in the tenants themselves.

Ray: And did you check him out?

Fraser: Well of course, Ray. I met him at the laundromat, which he owns along with a string of 27 other cleaning establishments. I complimented him on his 25-cent all-you-can-dry policy. We fell to talking. He seems very sincere. He's meeting with Mr. Potter this afternoon to conclude the sale - for cash, isn't it, Dennis?

Dennis: The full asking price.

Ray: Yeah, Potter must be thrilled. The old weasel hasn't spent more than $1.98 on this place since you moved in.

Dennis: Hey, I object to my employer being characterized in such a fashion.

Ray: Being a fellow rodent, I expected you would.


Ray: This whole neighborhood is a slum. Cleaning up one building is like dropping a good apple in a barrel full of bad ones. You can't win.

Fraser: You know, Ray, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Ray: Your grandmother teach you that?

Fraser: Yes.

Ray: If you think Taylor's going to be an improvement, you got another think coming. . . Wow!

Fraser: Mr. Taylor. It's good to see you.

Taylor: Ben, how are you?

Fraser: I'm very well, thank you. If you'd care to join us inside? This is my friend, Detective Raymond Vecchio.

Ray: '66 T-bird? '72 Riviera.

Taylor: A Riv? Mint?

Ray: Uh, was. I've gone through a couple of them recently.

Fraser: They were blown up.

Ray: You don't happen to know where I might - ?

Taylor: I'll keep an eye out for you.

Fraser: Well, shall we?. . . [to Ray] Nice guy.


Man in elevator: Going up?

Taylor: I thought this was junk.

Man: Hey, you watch how you talk about somebody's home.

Fraser: I took the liberty of having it repaired.

Taylor: Well done.

Man: Sorry, maximum of three allowed. . . Third floor.

Taylor: Congratulate me, Constable. I've just made an excellent investment.

[cheers and applause]

Dennis: Allow me to add my congratulations.

Fraser: Thank you, Dennis.

Dennis: And this. . .

Fraser: Thank you kindly. . . There must be some mistake.

Dennis: Nope. Taylor hired me to stay on as Super, and I never make mistakes.

Ray: So he's going to raise the rent?

Fraser: Yes. One thousand dollars per month per unit.

Ray: What?

Fraser: He can't do that, can he?

Ray: No, not if you have a lease.

Fraser: Ah.

Ray: You do have a lease, don't you?. . . I'm going to take that as a 'no'.

[Al's garage]

Fraser: I told them not to pay the increase, Ray. It's unfair, and if it's not illegal it's at the very least unethical.

Ray: Good. So when do you move?

Fraser: No, we're not moving. We're going to exercise our rights.

Ray: Yeah, well, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to exercise mine. . .

Bubbles, Al. If you let the paint dry too fast you get bubbles. So what we have here is either the work of someone who lacks a keen appreciation for a good finish or someone who has a bad eye for bubbles.

Al: Fine. Two bubbles? I'll knock off a point.

Ray: Hey, you got to do better than that.

Fraser: They can't afford an increase, Ray.

Ray: So move.

Fraser: No. We're not moving.

Ray: Look, you and I know you got to turn this baby over, Al.

Al: Ray, you're beating me up here. I'm bleeding all over the floor.

Fraser: I got them into this, Ray.

Ray: No, what you did was you helped them clean up that hellhole. If they want any more help than that, you tell them to call '60 Minutes.'

Fraser: Every person has a right to a roof over their head.

Ray: Yeah, as long as they can pay the rent. . . What is that? Is that rust, Al? Do I see rust there?

Al: That's primer.

Ray: Yeah, and if I was wearing a dress, I'd be a woman.

Fraser: Ohh, dear. . .

Ray: Ohh, dear. What do we have here? Oh, yeah, will you look at that, huh? Huh? What do you say now, Al?

Al: Okay, I'll drop off 500, but that's it.

Fraser: That would make the final price, umm. . . Oh, well, how much can a frame be worth anyway?

Ray: Frame?

Fraser: Yes. It's spot-welded. It is quite excellent work. Except for the slight contour on the brazing here, you really wouldn't know that this car had been severed in half. I'm sure there's still a lot of it that is salvageable. . .

Ray: So, Al, what do you have to say for yourself before I bring you downtown?

Al: Ray, he's your cousin.

Ray: He's twice removed.

Angie: Still driving that same old hunk of junk, huh?

Ray: Ange?

Angie: Don't let me interrupt. Just a woman with a dead Mustang. Hey, Al, try to remember to put the oil cap back on, okay?

Al: Sure, Angie.

Angie: See ya.


Fraser: Perhaps you're not ready to replace your old car.

Ray: . . . She's a friend.

Fraser: I see.

Ray: And it's none of your business.

Fraser: Understood.

[City Hall]

Ray: City Hall. Are you crazy?

Fraser: They have a responsibility to protect the rights of all urban dwellers.

Ray: Fraser, how many of those mutants who live in your building do you think actually vote?

Fraser: Ray, City Hall has a responsibility to govern and protect all of its citizens whether they vote or not. It is called a social contract.

Ray: Yeah, well, maybe in Canada there's an igloo for every Eskimo and a seal in every pot, but here in America, if it doesn't get votes, it's dog meat.

Fraser: Excuse me.

Clerk: Make it good.

Ray: We have a complaint.

Fraser: No, we don't.

Clerk: Which is it?

Fraser: We have an injustice.

Clerk: Injustice is down the hall.

Fraser: Ah.

Ray: Look, Benny, if you want some help you're going to have to register a dispute.

Fraser: You sure?

Ray: Yes. That's what they do here. They handle disputes.

Fraser: I won't be making a fuss?

Ray: Well of course you will. That's the whole point.

Fraser: Ahh. . . I don't have to raise my voice, do I?

Ray: Look, there's no polite way to dispute. You just jump right in there.

Fraser: I see.

Ray: Okay.

Fraser: Okay.

Ray: Let's go.

Fraser: I demand. . . Well, no, I don't. I- I respectfully request, um. . . Well, no, actually, just speaking strictly for myself, I- Ray?

Ray: We have a slumlord who's trying to illegally evict a whole building full of poor people.

Fraser: Thank you.

Clerk: Well, if that's the best you can do. . . Fill this out. Take it upstairs to Room 232. You'll need a buck for processing.

Fraser: Thank you kindly.

[Fraser's apartment building]

Fraser: Well, it's not as bleak as it seems.

Man: Did you get our rent lowered?

Fraser: No.

Mrs. Garcia: A new landlord?

Fraser: No, I'm afraid not.

Mustafi: Anything?

Fraser: Well, not exactly, but I do think it's time for us to retain legal counsel.

Voices: We can't afford a lawyer. . . It's too expensive. . . You got us into this. . . He's got a point.

Fraser: I realize that, but I firmly believe. . . [accepts note from Dennis] Thank you.

Dennis: I'd read it first.

Mustafi: What? More rent?

Fraser: No. We are hereby notified that payment is past due and with service of this notice our occupancy of these premises has been terminated.

Man: What does that mean?

Fraser: It means we've been evicted.

[outside Chicago Guardian building]

Ray: She's not going to help you. This is small potatoes and she's a big journalist.

Fraser: Well, she was very helpful the last time, as I recall.

Ray: Well last time she thought you were a fraud. Fraud sells newspapers. Do-gooders do not.

Fraser: You know, Ray, I think you're underestimating her. Everyone loves an underdog.

Ray: Yeah, everybody's not Mackenzie King. I'll wait.

Fraser: There's no need.

Ray: You'll be back in 30 seconds.

Fraser: I'll be fine.

Ray: All right.

Car salesman: Hey, I thought this was supposed to be a test drive.

Ray: Just keep your shirt on, pal.

[Warren's office]

King: Bagels, Warren. Not muffins, not cheese Danish. Just a plain honest-to-God water bagel.

Warren: You know, Mackenzie, there are reporters in Korea who would thank their boss for bringing them a rice-coated water beetle -

King: Well, sweetie, I would eat a beetle for you any day. . . on a bagel!

Fraser: Ahem.

King: Well, now, here is a man who knows how to save a damsel in distress. You know what a bagel looks like, don't you, Fraser?

Fraser: Uh, yes, I am acquainted with them. . . Diefenbaker!. . . I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Knoop, he's rude.

Warren: Are you kidding? I was just about to offer him a job.

Fraser: Miss King, would you accompany me to lunch?

King [to Warren]: Forget the bagel.

Warren: Excuse me? Excuse me? Do I pay you to take Mounties out to lunch? I don't think so. I think I pay you to sit at that desk, work the phones, and come up with stories that sell papers. Am I making myself clear?

King [to Fraser]: Excuse me a minute, please?

Fraser: Yes.

King: Thanks.

[raised voice behind closed door]

King: I'm ready now.

Fraser: Ah. All right.

King: Thanks.

[demonstration outside office building]

Voices: No, no, no! We won't go!. . . No, no, no! Taylor's got to go!

King: This is what I'm going to win a Pulitzer Prize for? Laurel, Hardy, and the cast of 'Mother Courage'?

Fraser: They're a small group, but they're very dedicated.

King: They're pathetic, Fraser.

Fraser: Yes, but in a good way. Another bagel?

King: Uh!

Fraser [to Mrs. Krezjapalov]: Where are the others?

Krezjapalov: I caught Mr. Cooper sneaking off with his bags packed. Some of the others, too. I had to drag the rest of them here.

Fraser: Thank you. . . Mr. Taylor, I've been trying to reach you.

Taylor: Constable, good to see you. Is this really necessary?

Fraser: Well, yes. You see, apparently there has been a misunderstanding wherein you raised the rent beyond the capacity of the tenants to pay it. And apparently the Superintendent is trying to have them evicted.

Taylor: The building isn't rent-controlled, is it?

Fraser: Well, no.

Taylor: And they were given the full five days allowable by law to meet the rent increase?

Fraser: Yes.

Taylor: Is it illegal for a businessman to make a profit on an investment?

Fraser: You're taking away these people's homes.

Taylor: You told me you wanted to improve your neighborhood. Last week I purchased four tenements on your block. Two of them were condemned. The other two should have been. I'm going to replace them with condominiums and when I'm through, your neighborhood is going to be one of the finest in downtown Chicago.

Fraser: You intend to demolish the entire block.

Taylor: Six blocks.

Fraser: What about the tenants?

Taylor: Anybody who can afford the new buildings is welcome.

Fraser: But they can't.

Taylor: I know. Fraser, who do you think is putting the garbage in your halls to begin with?. . . Miss King, how are things at the Guardian? I haven't read my stockholder's report lately.

King: Don't tell me. You're the guy who voted out the free bagel delivery, right?

Taylor: It's a pleasure.

King: I'm sure. . . [to Fraser] John Taylor? I should call Warren now. He's going to fire me.

Fraser: You think our chances are slim?

King: Do you see this building? Donald Trump couldn't afford it. You are one man in a red suit.

Fraser: Yes. I see what you mean.

King: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. You watch a lot of movies growing up in Oopik or wherever you come from?

Fraser: Some.

King: 'It's a Wonderful Life,' right?

Fraser: Yes, actually. Thirty-two times.

King: Huh?

Fraser: It was the Reverend's favorite film. Well, that and 'The Passion of Joan of Arc'.

King: No, you see, that's why movies are dangerous, Fraser. They take young minds and twist them into believing things like courage and hope and one man can make a difference. This may come as a shock to you and the Reverend, but real life is not a Frank Capra movie. Real life is money and bank accounts and politicians. People who pretend it's not end up out here in the streets with people like them. . . Are you listening?

Fraser: Not really, no. King: You're a bad influence on me, Bento. . . [to demonstrators] No smiling. . . What's the matter, doesn't anybody limp?

[Taylor's office]

Taylor: Dennis, do you know the story of the three bears?

Dennis: The three bears? Taylor: They went out picketing and left their homes unattended. Someone came along and shut off their heat. . . cut off their electricity. . . backed up their plumbing. . . changed all the locks.

Dennis: Goldilocks?

Taylor: It's an analogy.

Dennis: Ah. . . It's cold out.

Taylor: Who would you rather be, Goldilocks or one of the bears?

[Fraser's apartment building]

Fraser [to Dief]: Well, come on. . . Don't lollygag.

Woman on stairs: Good evening, Mr. Fraser.

Fraser: 'These are the times that try men's souls.' Thomas Paine. He wrote books. 'The Rights of Man', among others. . . Good night. . . Stop stealing the blanket.


Fraser: You're an Arctic wolf, for God's sake.


Fraser: You're getting soft. I hope you realize that.

[disturbance in the hallway]

Klein: Hey, that's mine. Look, I don't care who you guys are, you can't come in here and break my stuff.

Fraser: Thank you kindly. . . Now perhaps you and your friend could vacate this apartment building.

Jack: Sorry, no can do.

Fraser: Do you live here?

Rushton: We do now. This apartment. I guess somebody forgot to pay his rent.


[Dief snarl]

Fraser: Diefenbaker.

Rushton: Jack, put that away. You're going to scare our new neighbors.

Thug 3: Hey, is this yours?. . . [crash]. . . Guess you forgot it.

Rushton: We'll be seeing you, neighbor.

[in car outside Al's garage]

Ray: Rushton, Hererra, and Goldman. None of them have ties to Taylor. None of them on parole. No outstanding warrants.

Fraser: What about Mr. Klein's furniture?

Ray: He refused to move it. They had the permission of the landlord. I mean, it's cruel but it's not illegal.

Fraser: So there's nothing the police can do?

Ray: Well I can bring them in for questioning, give Taylor a warning. But sooner or later, if he wants you out, he's going to throw you out. . .

Fraser: A friend?

Ray: Yeah. . . She's also my ex-wife.

Fraser: Oh.

Ray: What?

Fraser: Nothing.

Ray: Why are you in this car with me?

Fraser: Because you said you'd drive me.

Ray: Oh, no, I didn't.

Fraser: Oh, yes, you did.

Ray: Well, I've changed my mind.

Fraser: Ah, well. . .

Ray: What are you do- ? Just shut the door, will you?! Okay, shut the door!

[Fraser's apartment building - shouts from upstairs]

King: You want to get in on the action here? We got a deadline.

Mustafi: No! No lockouts here. See? Right here in the pamphlet. No lockouts permitted by law.

Rushton: This ain't no lockout. You people got rats in these apartments. You gotta wait for the exterminators.

Woman: You put these rats in here! I saw you!

Dennis: No, no, no. This is all legal. Mr. Taylor says everything happening here is legal.

Fraser: Mr. Taylor lies.

Mustafi: They come into our apartments and said we broke the plumbing and wrecked everything. It's not true. Most of the things, they were wrecked when we came in.

Mrs. Garcia: He broke my window and he said I did it.

Voices: Yeah. . . Yes. . . Yes. . .

Dennis: What are you doing?. . . Hey, don't, don't. . .

King: All right, all right, now we're talking.


King: Aim for his head next time. I could use the blood.

[woman's scream]

Voices: It's going to fall!. . . The cable's been cut!. . . They jammed the door!

Fraser: Call the fire department!

Woman: Open it! Open it!. . . [to child] Go with him, go with him!

King [to child]: You're okay.

Fraser: It's all right.

King: Excuse me, excuse me, folks. . . Fraser!


Ray: I spoke with Taylor. He claims he never heard of Rushton or the other two. Said the Super must have put them up to it.

Fraser: No. Dennis is stupid but he's not that stupid.

King: Well, Taylor isn't, either. We're not going to have any convenient check stubs to tie him to this.

Fraser: Mr. Mustafi, look, it's all right. They're not going to be back.

Mustafi: Tonight maybe. What about tomorrow? Am I supposed to sit in my apartment and wait for somebody to try to kill me?

Fraser: If you leave now, you will lose your home. The best thing we can do is stand here and fight.

Mustafi: You fight. . . I'm not like you.

Man: Some things you can fix. Some things maybe you shouldn't try.

[Potter's home]

Fraser: I appreciate your seeing me, Mr. Potter.

Potter: You want something.

Fraser: Yes, sir, I do. My neighbors, your former tenants, they're being evicted from their homes. It would appear that Mr. Taylor has been less than honest about his intentions.

Potter: How disappointing.

Fraser: Well, yes, it is. He intends to demolish the building. The entire block, in fact.

Potter: And this gives you pause, huh? You're beginning to wonder if you did the right thing.

Fraser: No, sir.

Potter: Nonsense. You saw glory. The little people rising up, throwing off the yoke of tyranny. The people don't like to succeed, Fraser. It's a lot of responsibility. Think of it. You tell a man he's going to die, he can accept that. You've given him a certainty. And you ask that same man to take a gamble, to risk everything he has, even if the prize is the Fountain of Youth itself, he'd sooner roll over in the ditch than take that chance.

Fraser: Not every man.

Potter: No, no, no. Some men are just plain dense, like you.

Fraser: Sir, I would like you to buy the building back from Mr. Taylor.

Potter: You would?

Fraser: Yes, I would, sir.

Potter: And waste money on lawyer's fees? Don't be stupid. I made a handsome profit on that sale. As for the building, it's a dump not worth the land it's standing on. If I hadn't found me a buyer, I'd have razed it myself just to save the taxes. You can leave now. . . Throw another log on before you go. It's cold in here.

Fraser: Yes, I would imagine it is.

Potter: Get out!

[climbing up building]

Fraser: Ray, do you think I expect too much from people?

Ray: Well, take our climbing up the side of this building, for example.

Fraser: Okay.

Ray: Is the building on fire?

Fraser: Uh, no.

Ray: Is there a helpless person trapped up on the roof?

Fraser: No.

Ray: Is there a hostage to rescue?

Fraser: Not that I'm aware of, no.

Ray: Then we're climbing this building because. . .?

Fraser: Oh, I see. Because I expect too much from people.

Ray: Exactly.

Fraser: Well, that and the fact that the doors to the Council Chambers were closed until after question period, this seemed the only way we could gain access.

Ray: Fraser! Fraser!

Fraser: Oh, sorry. Here. . . You all right?

Ray: Yeah, no problem.

[Council Chambers]

Chairwoman Farrell: That concludes the scheduled agenda for this meeting. We'll now proceed to open the floor for question period. Will anyone who wishes to address the Council please form a line to the left of the podium and wait to be recognized by the Chair?

Ray: How did you get in?

King: I opened the back door.

[background] Council Clerk: Will the first speaker please state your name?

Fraser: Ah.

King: Listen, I spoke to the chairwoman. She said no go. It turns out Taylor has legal building permits, legal demolition permits, and I suspect he's greased some pretty significant palms. Sorry.

[background] Speaker 1: . . . We are under attack by an enemy so insidious that if we don't act immediately, we risk everything. All the work that we do as a community, all the time we. . .

Fraser: Excuse me.

Ray: Oh, no.

Speaker 1: . . . put in to make it safe, is now in grave danger. It's a threat, I tell you. A threat to every man, woman, and child living in the greater Chicago area. Certainly there are those who will scoff, who will jeer. But they are urban dwellers. They have yet to experience the scourge of the suburbs. The green death. The blight we call crabgrass.

Ray: Time's up, buddy.

Speaker 1: Excuse me. According to Parliamentary Law, I have the floor.

Ray: You have the floor?

Speaker 1: Yes. I have the floor.

Fraser: He's right, Ray, he does have the floor.

Ray: Now he has the floor.

Fraser: You kicked him.

Ray: No, I didn't.

Fraser: The man is unconscious.

Ray: He's resting.

Farrell: The Chair recognizes. . .?

Ray: Benton Fraser, Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

Fraser: No, I'm not. I mean, not now. At least, not officially. I mean, ordinarily, yes, I am a Mounted Policeman, but I'm not here in any official capacity.

Farrell: May I ask why you are here?

Fraser: Oh, yes, Mr. Chair- . . . Madam Chair- . . . Sir. . . Earlier this evening, a man told me that people would prefer their own death rather than risk everything for an ideal, and this is something I find extremely difficult to reconcile.

Farrell: And you came here because. . .?

Fraser: I didn't know where else to go. You are the people's elected representatives, and if we can't trust your judgment, who can we trust?

Farrell: What exactly is your quandary, sir?

Fraser: My neighbors are being evicted from their homes. A certain businessman, Mr. John Taylor -

Farrell: Mr. Taylor's development plans are a matter of record, Constable, and if you need further explanation, I suggest that you speak to the City

Clerk's office.

Fraser: I'm well aware of Mr. Taylor's plans, sir. No, my question actually is for you. Why did you approve them?

Farrell: Do you represent anyone besides yourself, Constable?

Fraser: Sir?

Farrell: These other tenants, your neighbors. Where are they tonight?

Fraser: They are not here tonight. There were unable to attend.

Farrell: So, you're only here to speak for yourself, and these 50 tenants, for all we know, they may not even exist.

Fraser: No, I assure you, sir, that really is not the situation.


Council Clerk: Time.

Fraser: Excuse me?

Council Clerk: Time. Time's up. Step down.

Fraser: I'm sorry, I don't understand.

Farrell: Each speaker has one minute, Constable, and I'm afraid if you wish to say any more, you'll have to come back tomorrow night. May we have the next speaker, please?

Speaker 1: Point of order, Madam Chairman.

Farrell: We'll get to you, sir.

Fraser: But my question -

Farrell: I'm afraid those are the rules.

Council Clerk: Step down, please.

Fraser: But- but I- I. . . No.

Council Clerk: Step down, please.

Fraser: No, I'm afraid I can't do that.

Speaker 1: This is my minute! You're using my minute!

Ray: Oh, no, no. Your minute was incredibly boring so it was cancelled.

Farrell: Constable, I'm going to have to insist that you leave the podium.

Fraser: No.

Farrell: Excuse me?

Fraser: With all due respect, sir, I refuse to yield the floor.

Speaker 1: Point of personal privilege, Madam -

Ray: That man is exhausted.

Council Clerk: Oh, God. A filibuster! He's going to filibuster.

Alderman 1: What?

Alderman 2: He's going to talk us to death. We're going to be here all night.

Alderman 3: I don't have time for this. I'm a City Councilman, for God's sakes. I have a golf game in the morning.

Ray: You know you're wasting your time.

Fraser: Possibly.

Ray: The best you're going to get is a bad case of laryngitis.

Fraser: Probably.

Ray: Lozenges?

Fraser: Cherry-flavored?

Ray: On my way.

Fraser: Thank you kindly.

King: I could have packed the place if he'd waited for the morning edition.

Ray: What about a TV crew?

King: And lose the exclusive? No.

Fraser: . . . My grandmother gave me that book for my birthday. . .

King: 'Do unto thy neighbor. . .' You would have thought at least some of them would have shown.

Fraser: . . . But my grandmother failed to see how rooting about in the dirt with a toy bulldozer was going to broaden my horizons. I was resentful, naturally, so the next day I took the present and I attempted to feed it to a passing walrus, successfully, I might add. . .

Alderman 3: Oh, God!

Alderman 2: At least he didn't start with Geronimo.


Ray: Anybody want to make an easy fifty? All right, how about a hundred? A hundred apiece. All you gotta do is to listen to some Canadian quote an American revolutionary.

Man: Which revolutionary?

Ray: Like it makes a difference?. . . A hundred dollars. Upstairs.

[Council Chambers]

Fraser: . . . For my seventh birthday, I requested a go-kart, but I received a book. On my eighth birthday, I wanted a Johnny Seven, but again I received another book.

Voice: Enough already!. . .

Fraser: On my ninth birthday, I wanted a guppy, but again I received another book. And finally by my eleventh birthday, I realized that my toy box contained virtually no toys a'tall. Rather it was lined with some of the most seditious reading material available through mail order. . .


Ray: All right, anybody else? Come on, I got free money here. One hundred bucks to listen to some Canadian quote an American revolutionary. Thank you very much. Upstairs. Council Chambers.

[lobby outside Council Chambers]

King [on phone]: No, I haven't been drinking!. . . Look, you got ten minutes to get a camera crew down here or I call WPOV and give them one hell of a scoop. . . You know me, Jack, I wouldn't do that. My word is my bond. . . Fine. . . [makes another call] Hey, Maury, Maury, Maury. Mackenzie King here. Listen, you got ten minutes to get a camera crew down to City Hall or I call Jack over at WZMR and give him one hell of a scoop. . . No, I haven't been drinking!


Man: You always give money to strangers?

Ray: This is better than money. This is a 1972 Buick Riviera, all that's left of it.

Man: You should have kept the money.

[Council Chambers]

Fraser: . . . That summer. . . [coughs]. . . That summer my grandmother took me swimming. The water had risen to just above freezing, and I clung to her as we waded deeper into the river. I'd never before noticed the burn marks she had on her upper arms and on her shoulders. When I asked her how she'd come by them, she said simply that she had been burned. Later, my father told me the full story. My grandmother was 19 and she was teaching in a small Inuit village when a fire swept through and then surrounded them. Their only means of escape was through a river that had been torn by rapids. Most of the adults died because they were too afraid to brave the water. But my grandmother was supported by an idea, and with this idea she led the children deeper into the river. They clung to her as she held onto the roots of a tree, as it burned above them. The heat was so intense that. . .

[coughs]. . . it melted most of her hair and left second degree burns on her upper body. If she had let go, they all would have been swept away. But she didn't let go, and they survived. My grandmother maintained that it was not the river that saved them. Rather, it was an idea. 'The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly. It is dearness only that gives everything its value.' Thomas Paine. . Ahem. . . [coughs]. . . ahem. . . ahem.

Voices: Keep going, man!. . . Keep it up!. . . Go on!. . . We're with you, Big Red!

Fraser: Subsequently, I made a concerted effort to work my way through my grandmother's library, although I have to confess that. . . ahem. . . ahem. . [cough]

Voices: Come on, Big Red!. . . Hang in there!. . .You can do it, big guy!. . Let's go, Big Red!

Farrell: You've got our attention, Constable. Proceed. . . Well, come on, it's either you or old Crabgrass. . .

[cheers and applause]

Taylor: You're not fooling anyone. Not one of these people live in my building.

Ray: How would you know? Did you take the time to shake their hands or learn their names?

Taylor: I have their names. There are files.

Ray: Well, congratulations. I have camera crews, and in these halls, perception is nine-tenths of the law.

Taylor: I'll win this in court and you know it. . . Oh good, you're here. Give the chairman the list of the tenants' names.

Dennis: I couldn't find it.

Taylor: What?

Dennis: I looked through my files. All I could find was this.

Ray: It's a lease.

Dennis: Potter gave it to me when he made me Super. Ten years. No increase. It's got four years left to run.

Ray: Well at least you'll have a roof over your head, Dennis.

Dennis: You know, Detective Vecchio, you could be just a little nicer. If I still got a roof over my head, then so does he and so does everyone who lives there.

Fraser: . . . And I believe it was Geronimo who said, 'It is my land, my home, my father's land to which I now ask to be allowed to return.'. . .

Dennis: No one can tear down that building unless I say so.

Ray: You're a good man, Dennis. . . Madam Chairperson, point of order. New evidence has come to light in this case regarding the tenants.

Taylor: Dennis, you realize you're fired.

Dennis: Hmm. Stuff it in your ear, Goldilocks.

Farrell: The City Council hereby suspends Mr. Taylor's development plans until further notice. The eviction orders are revoked.

Fraser: . . . 'til one greater man restores us and regain-

King: You can stop now.

Fraser: Oh. Thank you.

King: I can't believe I let you do this to me again.

Fraser: I was, um, kind of surprised myself.

King: Never again, understand?

Fraser: Understood.

King: Good. Okay.

Fraser: Okay.

King: Okay. Goodbye.

Fraser: Oh. Yes. Goodbye.

King: Goodbye. Th- thanks.

Fraser: Thank you kindly.

King: You owe me.

Fraser: How much?

King: How much?

Fraser: How much do I owe you?

King: Oh, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. . .

Fraser: The woman's completely irrational.

[Fraser's apartment]

[Dief whine]

Fraser: Well, yes, I'm sorry, but we can always get you another one.


Fraser: Yes, I realize it was your favorite. But some things are worth the sacrifice. [knock at door] [whine] Ingrate.

Mustafi: We, uh, heard your place was a mess. . . You really should set a better example, you know.

Fraser: Understood.

Mustafi [to others]: Come on. . . Painting. . . Dusting. . . Another garbage


[Al's garage, Ray in Riv - flashback as song begins]

Song: The way you hurt me / It's a wonder / I'm still here at all / Some day you'll wake up / And you'll find yourself alone. . .

Ray: So what do you think?

Angie: This is what you spent our savings on?

Ray: Yeah.

Angie: Five thousand?

Ray: Yeah.

Angie: Uh-huh.

Ray: Well, I bought it for you.

Angie: Ray, it's a 1972 Buick Riviera. It's the car of your dreams. You bought it for me?

Ray: Yeah. I mean, can't we both have the same dreams?

Angie: Okay, so when do I get to drive it?

Ray: When do you get to drive it?

Angie: Yeah.

Ray: Uh. . .

Angie: When?

Ray: All right, all right. Now.

Angie: Okay.

Ray: Well, not now now.

Angie: Oh. Not now now. Maybe like later now. Maybe like never now. Like maybe not-in-your-lifetime now.

Ray: Come on, let's not go there. Come on, give me a kiss.

Angie: Why?

Ray: 'Cause you like the car.

Angie: I don't.

Ray: You will.

Angie: In your dreams.

[end flashback]

Al: Ray.

Ray: Yes, Al?

Al: Well?

Ray: I'll give you a thousand bucks.

Al: Ray!

Ray: Oh, come on, Al, it's all I got left. Come on.

Al: Deal.

Ray: And get it washed.

Song: Lock, stock and teardrops / I'll be gone.



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